Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
