It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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