we have officially lost it.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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