dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
