I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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