Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
