He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
