lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
