May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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