My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
