why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
