but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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