I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
