would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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