if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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