im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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