I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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