"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
