Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
