you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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