love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
