I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
