the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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