We're like a lot better than the average bears
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
