he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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