Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
