Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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