i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
