All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
