All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
