very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
