do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
