Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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