my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
