Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
