I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Too much gin, very little bucket
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
