i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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