that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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