Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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