I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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