He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
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