Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
