I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
