I am in a vortex of obligation.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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