Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
