Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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