we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
