just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
