Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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