Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
