I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
