do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Let's get the cat blown out
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
