Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
